Today we’d like to introduce you to Robin Dickenson
Hi Robin, please kick things off for us with an introduction to yourself and your story.
Where do I even begin this crazy roller coaster of a ride? Growing up, most would describe me as introverted, creative, and having a unique style that’s all my own. I was very confident in who I was. These characteristics followed me into my early to mid 20’s. That Robin that most people had grown to know had no idea I was becoming a shell of that person. After getting married and having my second child in 2007, I became a stay-at-home mom. Being a full-time mother wasn’t something I dreamed of or ever desired because it wasn’t something I grew up seeing. A single mother raised me, and I saw her work every day, instilling that same work ethic in me. After having my daughter, although I was ecstatic, I noticed something felt off within me. I felt a sadness I couldn’t explain. I didn’t understand how I could feel so sad after experiencing something so magical. After weeks of these emotions, I went to my doctor. He diagnosed me with postpartum depression. This was something I had heard of but I didn’t understand and it was scary because I had only heard horror stories. After getting the diagnosis, and understanding it, I got the treatment I needed. I started to feel myself getting back into my normal routine. Fast forward to 2009. I’m now pregnant with my third child. This is after 9 years of marriage and two years of being a stay-at-home mom. If you’re a stay-at-home mom or go to a traditional job, I know you can relate to the mental and physical toll you go through. You try to be everything to everyone. I had become that mother who had forgotten to put myself on the list. I felt guilty because I was always taught to put others first. No one told me that it was okay to say yes to me. As women, we have what I call the “Superwoman Syndrome”. When we put on that cape, we use what I believe are superhuman powers. But, we don’t realize this power we think we have comes at a heavy cost. I’m trying to adjust to this tough season in my life. I could never really share my life with anyone because I felt embarrassed to share my struggles. How would that conversation play out? I’m overwhelmed with this so-called picture-perfect life. I now have to deal with my hardest pregnancy and push my internal struggles aside. The most important thing at this moment is to focus on having a healthy baby. This pregnancy was a test of my faith, patience, and persistence. But, another daughter blessed me in January of 2010. Although I’m enjoying another gift from God, part of me is freaking out. I’m already struggling and have extreme anxiety about having 2 children at home under two years old. A few months passed and I’m still feeling this turmoil within me while asking myself these questions. Where did the person I once knew disappear too? Why couldn’t I grab a hold of the situation before it spiraled? How could I allow this to happen to me? Now I’m allowing my internal thoughts of negativity to cause me to feel ashamed and embarrassed. Now I’m mentally fighting a war within myself. It forces me to wear a mask for years. Anyone who has ever worn a mask knows it’s mentally exhausting. How could I ever expose this so-called perfect family? Am I going to pull the curtain back and let people know my family isn’t the poster of perfection? My head wants to yell to the heavens and anyone who will listen and say “I’m freaking struggling with how to balance being a perfect mom and wife,” Although I’m mentally exhausted my pride won’t allow me to remove my faithful mask. Every day I ask myself “Am I the only one who feels like I’m on “Survivor Island.” I know every marriage has its ups and downs but, I couldn’t let those cracks be exposed. The image others could see was the family they created in their minds and I wasn’t ready to let go of that idea of perfection. I’ll never forget how I felt when I had gained the courage to open up to a close friend and before I could speak “she told me how she looked up to me and couldn’t wait to be married.” Am I supposed to burst her bubble and lay my burden on her at that moment? After listening to her I came home and said to myself “I have three beautiful girls, a lovely home, and a supportive husband”. I decided to put on a happy face and maybe this feeling of being overwhelmed, this feeling of being on edge, and the disagreements in my marriage would ultimately disappear. That was wishful thinking. In reality, I lived the life of a “Kept Woman.” Many friends would joke and say things like “What a life” and “l bet you live like a Real Housewife” as pictured on reality television. The more I wore this mask the easier it became for me to live two lives. When I was away from the audience the real me just felt empty. As time progressed I joined a new church and from 2012 -2015 is when I started to see my life change for the better. I gained the courage to find community at my local church. There, I connected with someone who became a mentor in my life. This changed my walk with Christ in ways I never could have imagined. During three years, I realized the gifts God had put inside me. I started to use them and my life started to blossom. The person that was once in what I would call a cocoon state turned into a butterfly and gained wings. Although life wasn’t perfect I was able a piece of vulnerability to some in my circle. Not only did I see a change within myself others saw a light that shined on those I came in contact with. This is when I knew I felt a calling to help women. Once that was clear, it made other things in my life clear as well. I regained the confidence I had lost. I was still an introvert at heart. But, no one would have believed I was the introverted person others knew. With this gift and this unique ability to connect with women, it birthed what I called “Women’s Gatherings”. October of 2015, is when I had my first one at my home. I invited women I knew. I also posted the invite on social media. I knew there was a chance women I had never met would come. This was outside my comfort zone. But, I followed God’s instructions and saw its growth and how it was blessing others. It went from 10 people at the first one to 20 to 40 plus women after word had spread. They were from all backgrounds and packed into my living room and kitchen. Many of them I knew and there were also a great number of women I had never met before. This grew all by word of mouth. To say this experience was beyond transformational would be an understatement. It was amazing to see women of all backgrounds come together. Everyone was interacting with women they had never met. No one would have ever believed these women had never come in contact with one another. These Gatherings would go until November 2018.
The “Women’s Gatherings” were a huge success. Lives were being impacted and I had a front-row seat. This made me eager to see what was next. That “what was next” wasn’t the door I was anticipating or expected to open. I had dealt with so much before finding my purpose and I just wanted this feeling to continue to last. I knew I was on the ride of my life, seeing miracles we’d never imagined. Yet, as we know, life has no rule books, and sometimes what we plan for isn’t the plan God has in mind.
In March 2018, I started to notice small changes that were taking place within me. The changes were minor. They weren’t noticeable to others. I disregarded them and continued as if everything was normal because in my mind everything was normal. Time progressed, and the changes I brushed off as insignificant became more pronounced. I started to see my interest in things that once brought me joy I would avoid. Conversations with girlfriends became less. I noticed I would make excuses to not go out with my family to small things like restaurants. The most alarming thing I noticed was every Sunday I would have some mystery pain that I made up to avoid that church community I had come to love. It
had been such an instrumental part of my life and I just couldn’t start wearing a mask again. I can recall waking up and I would immediately start to sob for no clear reason I could think of. I felt a sadness that I had never experienced. This experience wasn’t even close to the sadness I had experienced during postpartum. As I’m telling this story it’s painful to relive this very difficult time in my life. My husband started to worry. He knew I was struggling, but he didn’t know the severity. I wasn’t honest with him about how hard this experience truly was. I wasn’t afraid of opening up but I knew once I acknowledged what I was feeling it would become more real. Neither of us knew that we were about to face another trial that would test us in ways we didn’t know. It would eventually test our family bond, the strength of our marriage, and most importantly, our friendship. We both suspected it was depression but neither of us wanted to say the word. This experience is hard for me to put in words because even today this story is hard to explain. Every time I relive this emotional time in my life all I can do is feel the guilt and shame I felt in the beginning. I carried the guilt of putting my kids through the unknown. I now see my husband becoming my caregiver. I see the mental and physical toll it took for him to support our family. No one ever wants to feel like a burden. There were days I couldn’t will myself to get out of bed. I would lay in my bed in the fetal position sobbing. Just a few months ago, I was giving women encouraging words and uplifting messages. Now I’m lying here and that memory is starting to like it was a dream. I couldn’t even muster the strength to even pray for myself. All I could do was say Jesus in my time of despair. If anyone has been through something like this, you know it can cause you to drift from those close to you. My girls were so supportive and although they didn’t know what was going on they knew mommy was sick. I’ll never forget how my daughter wrote me a scripture and I still look at it every day in my bathroom. She was only 11 at the time and my other daughter at home was 8. I appreciated every picture and card they made for me. But, looking at them was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. The mom that once made them laugh. dance to silly songs and shows, and tucked them in every night to read to them was no longer the same. This was a hard pill to swallow. The guilt I felt looking into my children’s eyes was the same feeling I felt when I looked into my husband’s eyes. The person he’s now living with isn’t the wife he knew either. He went from seeing me get back to a happy place to this unrecognizable person within months. It was just devastating to me. He was very supportive and said all the right things. But, as time passed, I saw his patience wane and his manner grow more distant. I felt like he wasn’t being as understanding as I needed. When I started reading different articles I detailed many of the actions saw in my husband. It spoke of how others could grow distant because they can’t understand why you just can’t do the things you used to do. Many can’t understand why you can’t just will yourself to do the hard things and because they can’t see your outward wounds the empathy you desire from others isn’t always felt. I couldn’t fully understand how depression worked myself so I couldn’t expect others to either. What I did expect was just a little grace from those who were in my immediate circle. I saw how the few people I still talked to couldn’t understand what I tried to explain. I realized people didn’t see this as a sickness like other illnesses that most would have more empathy for. I thought the people closest to me were drifting. Now, most of those relationships aren’t the same or don’t exist. I could see my husband struggling but how can I help him when all I can think of is myself? The stress of feeling overwhelmed started to get the best of us both. The deeper I fell into this black hole the more I could feel the distance between us grow. He was always there physically but emotionally he was distant. At this point, I feel like this is what people describe as “Rock Bottom” My best friend in my husband isn’t quite the same. The friendships and close relationships at this point are nonexistent. He just couldn’t grasp the concept of depression and its causes. We both had so many questions. As I said before, if you haven’t experienced this it’s really difficult to put it into words. I just wish our society treated depression and mental health in general like a real illness. Despite the amount of suicides that take place it’s still not talked about and understood like many other sickness people experience daily. Time progressed and my husband finally reached out to a therapist.
I knew it was necessary, but I could only focus on the shame I felt. Now, I have to put words for the feelings I experienced. It’s now May of the same year and I can see this day still so vividly as if it was yesterday. I felt anticipation and anxiety riding to the therapist’s office. It was only 10 minutes away, but it felt like it took a lifetime to get there. I remember walking into the building and it felt as if time stood still. I’ll never forget my husband opening the car door for me and gently helping me to the front door of the building. I could feel his compassion in that moment and that made me feel safe. He held my hand the entire time and at moments I had to tap him because it started to squeeze it tightly. I watched him as he spoke in detail about everything I was unable to express. I sat in silence the entire time. In this session, I learned my husband had been journaling about things he noticed about me. What I thought were small changes no one noticed he did. He had journaled every small thing to the more noticeable. He had mentioned things that I didn’t realize. He had mentioned things like my bath routine would become longer and longer, I had become very forgetful, and he noticed it took me longer and longer to get settled for bed. He even expressed the difficulty for me to pick out clothes for myself and how he would help me get dressed to help speed up the process if we had to go somewhere. These things were so far out of my character. He journaled for months. This was a total surprise to me. I had been feeling the tension between us and feeling like I had lost my best friend but in that moment I saw more than a best friend. I saw a very caring husband who just wanted the best for his wife. I thought about how much this action alone showed his unconditional love for me. He put thought and dedication into watching my every move. It gave me this incredible feeling of gratitude. As the conversation between the therapist and my husband came to an end, I remember her saying “We are here for you”. At this moment tears started to stream down my face and although I didn’t say a word for the first time, I felt hopeful.
Looking back after that first visit, Neither of us knew this would be a 2-year journey. It would test my character and my ability to trust God in a situation I had no control over. This would further test my marriage. It would also test my relationships with family and friends who had not abandoned me. You indeed find out who’s in your corner when you’re going through the fire. I was finally diagnosed with Bipolar Depression and anxiety. I didn’t want to accept this. But, all I could feel was relief. Now, I can get the treatment I need to get better. During all this turmoil, I decided to have another “Women’s Gathering.” I felt a tug in my spirit. My husband didn’t want me to put that stress on myself and didn’t understand how I would tackle something so mentally and physically challenging but when you feel led you have to press. I had faith that God would equip me with everything I needed to complete this task. The gathering took place in November of 2018. This turned out to be one of the most memorable gatherings I had ever had. I shared some of my journey with those who were there, still not revealing everything but I felt a piece I hadn’t experienced before going through this season of my life. This was one moment during this ordeal I felt proud of myself, and I knew God was going to get me through this journey.
Fast forward to May of 2019. I had to make one of the hardest decisions during this journey. It was the decision to get more help than my therapist could provide. I checked myself into a mental health facility this was now the second one I had gone to. That’s one moment I don’t ever want to experience again.
During the year 2021 after getting the help I needed. I felt stronger, confident, and hopeful. One day while sitting on the couch. I began reflecting on my journey and what it took for me to find peace within myself and this newfound joy in my life. My mind took me back to when I said yes to ministering to women. During that moment, I realized that I should share this journey. I knew I had to spread this message of hope I had experienced. God wanted to use my most painful journey to encourage and inspire other women. They should believe that they too could find joy and hope again. In May of 2021, I started classes online to become a Life Coach. In July of 2021, “Winning With Robin LLC” came into existence. I launched my Life Coaching business because I realized I had endured so much. I knew I could help women through their most vulnerable moments. I wanted to impact women who were struggling to find their happy place. In life, we are sometimes dealt a bad hand but with every bad hand dealt you’re always given a new set of cards. I was now 43 starting over. I hadn’t worked a traditional job since 2005 and I had been home full-time at this point for 13 years. This is a scary transition for anyone but for me starting over after 40 wasn’t easy. I started my Coaching business and I turned 46 years young in May. It has now been five years since I left the mental health facility. Every day, I wake up with such gratitude because I know many people don’t get to where I’ve gotten. I have helped many women. I started sharing encouraging messages on social media. Now, I’m in the process of starting a YouTube channel. Everything I’m doing now I didn’t see or believe it was possible. During my darkest day, I would have never believed I would be where I am today. I’m also excited that I got my first part-time job at a small skincare boutique. I decided to take this job to get out of the home to socialize with others. I’ve always had a love for skincare and makeup so this was a perfect fit for me. I’m meeting so many women from all backgrounds. I get to make women feel more confident and beautiful every day. It’s amazing how little makeup makes these women feel and I get to be a part of their experience. God used the most vulnerable and painful time in my life to bring light to others. I want everyone who reads this to know the sun follows darkness. You are still writing your story. Despite your past, it’s never too late to start a new chapter.
I’m sure it wasn’t obstacle-free, but would you say the journey has been fairly smooth so far?
My road hasn’t been smooth, to say the least. The struggles I’ve faced have been a gift and a curse. The scripture that immediately comes to mind is Romans 5:3-4 “Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance;”
“perseverance, character; and character, hope.” However, no one wants to endure pain and hardship which feels like a curse at the moment it strikes. The moment after the storm has passed you’re able to see just how strong you are which is the gift you never knew you had. There are many things I could name that have been stumbling blocks in my life but the one that truly caused my life to take a detour was when I was diagnosed with “Bipolar Disorder” coupled with anxiety. In my 46 years of living, I have been faced with numerous challenges but nothing could have prepared me for this journey. In May of 2018, I received my diagnosis. Little did I know that this roller coaster ride would be the most devastating experience of my life. Like many people, you may have heard of stories or read articles about people who had experienced depression but if you’ve never walked this path yourself or been around someone who has you have no idea the toll this takes on you, your family, and close friends. For two years I experienced the pain of losing close friendships I cherished, the guilt of not being the mother my kids had grown to love, and the fear of losing my marriage. That saying “when it rains it pours” is an understatement. Although the heartache of this situation shattered me into pieces I thought were impossible to put back together. I am a walking miracle that what God has built no man can destroy. Not only did He mend my pieces back together He gave me the strength to see I am valuable, loved, and I’m not defined by a diagnosis. I’m not ashamed of my story because it’s what has shaped me into the woman I am today.
We’ve been impressed with Winning With Robin LLC, but for folks who might not be as familiar, what can you share with them about what you do and what sets you apart from others?
In 2021, I became a Life Coach, and shortly after I started my coaching business “Winning With Robin LLC”. I coach women mostly between the ages of 35- 50. I’ve been told that the thing that sets me apart from most people is the compassion and empathy I’m able to express toward them and their situation. I have also been told I’m a great listener. I’m most proud of being able to reinvent myself at the age of 43 after being a stay-at-home mom for 16 years. I want those who read this to know anyone can get a job but not everyone can do what they love. If you’re a woman trying to figure out how to start over, regain confidence, or just want accountability, please feel free to reach out to me.
https://linktr.ee/winningwithrobin?utm_source=linktree_profile_share<sid=f6ccf08c-6467-473c-af1d-2dfe81474f6f
Alright so before we go can you talk to us a bit about how people can work with you, collaborate with you or support you?
I’m happy to collaborate with those who currently work with women, support women, or work in ministry. I am a speaker and I enjoy uplifting others through my testimony of endurance. Please support me by following me on social media. (@Robin Dickenson and @winningwithrobin on Facebook) (IG and TikTok I’m @justtrobb) to keep up with my exciting journey. It would be a bonus to recommend my services. It would mean everything to Share this article with those who could use encouragement. Again, if you or someone you are interested in my services please don’t hesitate to contact me.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://linktr.ee/winningwithrobin
