Meet Arias Abonza Sheila of Durham

Today we’d like to introduce you to Arias Abonza Sheila

Hi Sheila, can you introduce yourself? We’d love to learn more about how you got to where you are today.
My family and I immigrated to the USA back in 1996. My father was already here, and my mother, sister, and I were back in Mexico. So, for some good years, my mom was a single mom, but it was the only way my family could be financially stable. My dad was working here in the USA, working as many jobs as he would, sleeping under bridges, always in survival mode, sending all the money he could to Mexico so my mom could save, build a house, and support us. My parents finally decided for us to reunite; in 1996, my mother, sister, and I reunited with my father at the border after crossing the river. I still remember how scary and cold it was. Even after all these years, I will never forget what I wore that day. I can feel the cold, sticky water and my body shivering.

My mother, sister and I got to Durham, NC, with only the clothes we had on, to a country, state, and unknown city. We didn’t speak the language, and we didn’t eat American food. Everything was so different. We felt utterly empty but, at the same time, so full that we were with my father.

We were so afraid of everything and everyone. My sister and I went to a school where neither knew anything; it was easier for my sister to adapt and learn the language, but not so much for me. My sister started second grade in her correct school year, and I started in third grade, even though I was in sixth grade in Mexico. Adaptation took many years for me, but I am unsure about my sister. My mom soon started working, so my sister and I, mainly me, were responsible for all the house duties, cooking, and ensuring school work was done. We didn’t go out unless it was to the laundromat, groceries, school, and the goodwill to buy clothes. We lived under fear, fear that immigration would separate us and send us back to Mexico, knowing that financially, my dad would have to save for us to try to be united again for a year. Back then, Durham didn’t have many Hispanic residents, so it was apparent to see us. We had a lot of limitations, but never from a shelter, food and clean clothes.

My sister and I didn’t go out like other children or teens. We had a late start with movies, trips, and sleepovers. It was much harder for me because I was already a teenager in elementary school, so developing friendships was more complicated. However, we all knew this was all we needed to go through to be together and succeed in that “American dream.” That also meant dealing with constant bullying from others and not fitting in; however, it is so much worse now.

As our financial situation improved, we could move to different places, eventually sharing a room. The culmination of our journey was when we bought our first house, each of us having our own room. It felt like Christmas every day, a testament to our determination and success in pursuing the ‘American dream. ‘

Despite our unique experiences throughout the years and my mental health due to bullying, insecurities, adaptation, and much more, I was able to attend and graduate from high school. My sister also graduated from high school but did not want to continue her education. I attended a community college because it was all I could afford at the time since I was paying while working. My parents didn’t save for college, even though they knew how important it was for us to have a valuable education.

I got married at 19—very young, but it happened. A year later, I had my first child, my daughter Jaslene, now 15. The birth of my child completely changed my life and turned it 360 degrees in ways I never thought, never crossed my mind.

My delivery was one I don’t wish on any woman, especially first-time moms. My daughter was born without vital signs, and if you ask me if miracles are real, yes, they are. After minutes of no vital signs, my daughter started showing signs of life.
My child was born with a congenital disability/congenital disability.
Having a child with a congenital disability and special needs introduced me to another unique world. The world of special needs, medical needs, a world where humans have no tolerance and are empty for children and adults who are just uniquely different in their way.

As a parent of two young kids, my family participated in Durham Early Head Start, amongst other federal programs. Eventually, I began to work for the program as a Health and Nutrition Coordinator, supporting other families like my own. In 2013, they connected me with MomsRising, who allowed me to share my personal story on Capitol Hill in front of members of Congress. I shared the importance of early learning, Early Head Start, Medicaid, and Food Stamps, known as EBT. These programs are essential for families like myself and with whom I work daily. The struggle is real for single parents or those who make just the minimum to survive.

Speaking to members of Congress on December 18, 2013, representing MomsRising/Mamas Con Poder, allowed me to advocate for programs and share my hopes with many who can relate. But it also gave me the unique opportunity to join the team of MomsRising (https://www.momsrising.org/ https://www.mamasconpoder.org/) and become a volunteer with this solid organization. I was advocating for families in my entire state. Over the years, I worked my way to NC Director.

Beth Dotson Messesmith, Senior Campaign Director, North Carolina for MomsRising/Mamas Con Poder, opened the door of opportunity for me, just as I hold it open for other women to come. We women must continue to support each other in all ways.

I work for an organization that takes on the most critical issues facing women, mothers, and families by educating the public and mobilizing massive grassroots actions in many ways, always meeting people where they are. It has allowed me to care for my family, especially my children’s needs, be financially stable, return to school, and receive my Bachelor’s from the University of Mount Olive with a Bachelor of Science in Human Resources.

I’m sure it wasn’t obstacle-free, but would you say the journey has been relatively smooth?
My journey has been challenging, complex, tiring, and involves much effort. I was in survival mode a lot of the time. Many doors shut in my face constantly. It is hard to keep a job when you have a child who requires not only time but also medical care, and you need to be there; it is hard to believe humans can’t understand it.

The journey was a long and trying one, and by the end of it, they were all relieved to have finally reached their destination.

Being on both sides of the story is a clear reminder of the work we must continue to do, the lifesaving difference programs and policies that families deserve, and how all children deserve to be children.
It is not just my job; it is my responsibility, my goal, and my dream to allow children to be children, laughing, worrying about funny pranks on their siblings, and not fear that they will not see their parents due to immigration deportation or the lack of medical care and can’t thrive.

I wear different hats with pride and accountability: I am a feminist activist for women’s rights, equality, equity, and inclusion, a human rights activist, and a spokesperson for children with special, unique medical needs—a voice for inclusion who brings and supports Hispanic voices.

I appreciate you sharing that. What else should we know about what you do?
I wear different hats with pride and accountability: I am a feminist activist for women’s rights, equality, equity, and inclusion, a human rights activist, and a spokesperson for children with special, unique medical needs. A voice for inclusion brings and supports Hispanic voices.

My children are my biggest motivation in life.

I currently work for MamásConPoder/ MomsRising as the NC Campaign Director. I am a parent leader and trainer for the Division of Public Health, Children and Youth Branch, NC Department of Health and Human Services. I currently serve on the North Carolina Pediatric Society board and previously served on the NC Child board.

Over the years, I have had unique opportunities to participate in roundtable conversations and advocate for early learning, Medicaid, family-paid leave, affordable child care for all, immigration bills, laws to end family separation, and many other issues and programs. But the one thing I love the most is supporting, motivating, and encouraging other parents and caregivers to use their voices. I stand beside them because we become a team working towards a better tomorrow for our families and all families.

It has also allowed me to observe and realize how things work and where there is room for improvement. It is vital to have those unique, authentic voices from parents/ guardians and those who directly affect it in all conversations dealing with changes and decisions around families like mine.

Being a mother of two children has been God’s greatest blessing and privilege. But it’s not easy, and it’s not always rainbow-colored.

We, parents or anyone raising children, can agree that parenting has beautiful things and experiences but also many challenging ups and downs and critical scary moments.

Single parents can struggle with work, household responsibilities, and parenting. This unique experience adds another layer to the complexities of life.

There is one more additional layer, “the cherry on top,” having a child with special needs, medical needs, or just being unique.

My family is all of the above and a little more, but I wouldn’t change it for the world. There are constant ups and downs, like climbing a mountain and reaching the peak, only to find another unknown mountain waiting. No breaks are allowed. One of the challenges and more complex things is balancing my time to give both of my children the attention they deserve. It’s a constant battle with guilt and frustration. When one of my children’s needs is much more complex than the other, those needs must come first, meaning my other child often has to wait. The emotions of frustration and guilt
are overwhelming and challenging to overcome.

Do you have any big plans?
I hope to return to school and obtain my master’s in social justice/policies. I want to run for office one day, but I still need to decide whether it will be at the local or state level.

I want to continue to wear different hats with pride and accountability: I am a feminist activist for women’s rights, equality, equity, and inclusion, a human rights activist, and a spokesperson for children with special, unique medical needs. A voice for inclusion brings and supports Hispanic voices.

I aim to continue opening doors for others and bringing more Hispanic voices to the round-table conversations.

I want to continue to advocate for policies that affect families and to see changes in this state, country, and world. I want a better immigration system. I want to continue to support and be my children’s number one fan, allowing them to explore and accept themselves as unique as they are. I want to continue encouraging them to be fair, be themselves, support others, and make a difference. I want all families to thrive. I want us to meet families where they are and support them. I want to continue to let my parents know that we are a minority with pride and that leaving their dreams and family behind was all worth it. My children are my biggest motivation in life.

But most of all, I want my children to be proud of who they are and where they come from, to treat others with respect and justice, and to see others for who they are. I want them to be happy and find happiness.

Contact Info:

• Website: https://www.mamasconpoder.org/. https://www.momsrising.org/about
• Instagram: Sheila_arias
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Sheila.Arias18
• Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/sheila-arias-8b769a23/
• Youtube: @SheilaMexNC