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Jessi Kneeland of Asheville on Life, Lessons & Legacy

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We recently had the chance to connect with Jessi Kneeland and have shared our conversation below.

Hi Jessi, thank you so much for joining us today. We’re thrilled to learn more about your journey, values and what you are currently working on. Let’s start with an ice breaker: What is something outside of work that is bringing you joy lately?
In high school I sang in choir and played marimba in marching band, and even though I went to school for acting, I always loved musical theater. Over the years since, I’ve sung with my family casually here and there, but it’s been a really long time since I participated in music in any kind of structured or formal way. Recently though, I co-wrote and recorded a song for my brother’s new album (he’s a musician), and the experience was SO fun and joyful! I hadn’t realized how much I missed singing with people, and I found the process of songwriting deeply healing and empowering… so now I’m looking for new opportunities to sing and make music with people, and I’m very excited about it!

Can you briefly introduce yourself and share what makes you or your brand unique?
My name is Jessi Kneeland and I’m a body image coach and the author of the book BODY NEUTRAL: A Revolutionary Guide to Overcoming Body Image Issues. I run my own coaching business online, where I ffer private and group coaching (as well as courses and content) to help people improve their relationships to themselves and their bodies. I created a unique system and process for helping people move toward embodied and authentic self-worth through “body neutrality,” which is all about stripping away the false or inflated meaning, significance, moral judgement, and interpretations from how we look, and recognizing that our appearance actually has nothing whatsoever to do with our worth, value, or what we deserve.

Thanks for sharing that. Would love to go back in time and hear about how your past might have impacted who you are today. What did you believe about yourself as a child that you no longer believe?
As a highly sensitive, emotional, and opinionated kid, I often got the message that I was “too much,” “too intense,” or “too difficult.” I believed this for a long time and felt a lot of shame about it, thinking I needed to control myself or tone myself down in order to be acceptable or worthy of love, and always worrying that people would find out that I was too much work to deal with and decide it just wasn’t worth it. In adulthood I realized that these parts of me are actually some of my greatest gifts and strengths, and that I’m only “too much” for the wrong kind of people (for me), and now I fully embrace my chaotic, dramatic, authentic self. I’m no longer willing to tone myself down for other people’s comfort or convenience, and I think of my “too muchness” as a vetting system to determine quickly if someone is a good fit for me or not!

What’s something you changed your mind about after failing hard?
I used to see failure as shameful, because I thought of it as “proof” about the kind of person I was, or what I was capable of. When I first started my business online, I read the book “Mindset” by Dr. Carol Dweck, and realized my fear of failure came from the fact that I had a “fixed mindset,” rather than a “growth mindset.” When you have a fixed mindset, you believe each person has an innate and pre-determined amount of ability, talent, or intelligence, so then OF COURSE failure would be scary… it’s “proof” that you don’t have the ability, talent, or intelligence to succeed in that area! It puts so much pressure on needing to succeed immediately, and makes failure feel like a death sentence. With a growth mindset though, you recognize that each person’s abilities, talents, and intelligence can be developed through education, effort, and experience. When you believe THIS, failure stops being scary or shameful, because every failure can be viewed as nothing more than a new opportunity to learn and grow. I started applying this to my business, and saw immediately that it was not only a way more pleasant and empowering way to move through the world, but it also led to way better results immediately. I was new to running a business so of course I was lacking in education and experience, and I actually *needed* to fail in order to learn and grow. Now failing is my favorite thing, because I know that being willing to fail– as fast and as often as possible– is exactly what has made me so good at what I do, and so successful as a business now!

Next, maybe we can discuss some of your foundational philosophies and views? What are the biggest lies your industry tells itself?
The coaching industry is riddled with examples of people in positions of power who are unaware of (or unwilling to acknowledge) their own privilege, in ways that can make their work irresponsible harmful. Many personal trainers, for example, will create content and coaching strategies around whatever they’ve discovered works for them personally, without acknowledging the role that their natural metabolism, class/financial privilege, or able-bodied privilege have impacted their ability to get where they are. An able-bodied, neurotypical, and naturally thin person with the ability to afford health-supporting food and resources, access health care, hire childcare, and not be discriminated against for their body needs to be able to acknowledge that while they may indeed have put in a certain amount of effort to get the results they got, their results are ALSO based on those other layers of unearned privilege. If they can’t do that, they’re not only lying to themselves about their results being purely the result of the “hard work,” but they’re also sending the message to their audience and clients that everyone *should* be able to get those same results, so then it’s a shameful sign of personal failure if someone *doesn’t* get those results. The same is true for business coaches, who often talk about how financially successful they are without acknowledging their privilege, and then give other people strategies for being successful that simply won’t work for everyone. If someone grew up with the financial privilege to dedicate all their time and energy to getting their business off the ground, were able to get investors through their social circle, or don’t experience discrimination for something about their body or how they look, they will have an easier time succeeding. It doesn’t mean they didn’t ALSO work hard, or that they haven’t figured out strategies that can help people, but they need to be able to acknowledge this privilege. Otherwise, again, they’re lying to themselves and hurting the people they’re trying to help, because they’re setting people up to feel shame (and like a failure), if those strategies don’t earn them the same kind of success.

Okay, we’ve made it essentially to the end. One last question before you go. Are you doing what you were born to do—or what you were told to do?
I am absolutely doing what I was born to do. I don’t think “body image coaching” specifically is what I was put on this Earth to do, but I do think that I was put here to think deeply about, challenge, and empower people to dismantle and reject oppressive social norms. I believe I was born to think, and write, and use language to make the *unconscious* become *conscious” in service of collective healing and liberation, and I think I would be doing that in any career or field I chose. I was born to use my gifts to help other people break free from shame and fear, and reclaim their wholeness, worthiness, purpose, and power… and I absolutely get to do all of that as a body image coach and writer.

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Image Credits
All photos are by Drew Hughes

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