Today we’d like to introduce you to Arden Cartrette.
Arden, we appreciate you taking the time to share your story with us today. Where does your story begin?
While in my 20s and after being married for three years, my partner and I decided to try and grow our family (thinking that it would be a walk in the park). The year and a half that we were trying to conceive were some of the hardest days, weeks, and months. I felt like I lived in two week increments either preparing for ovulation or hoping for a positive pregnancy test at the end of the infamous “two week wait” — but each cycle resulted in only negative pregnancy tests.
During the season of infertility, I started an online blog titled “Hello Warrior” where I discussed my journey of trying to conceive and shared other women’s stories of infertility, too. The idea was that we were all warriors of something whether it was infertility, loss, mental illness, etc.
After a year and a half, I finally received my first positive pregnancy test and it was the month before we were supposed to start fertility treatments which led me to feel that the pregnancy was meant to be and I had high, high hopes of a positive outcome. At the first ultrasound (around 7 weeks) we received the news that things didn’t look great but my fertility specialist couldn’t confidently say it was a miscarriage just yet which set us in a pregnancy limbo for 3 weeks. At the end of the 3 weeks, we had an in-office D&E procedure scheduled (also referred to as dilation and aspiration) but of course, the night before the procedure the physical miscarriage happened at home, naturally, unmediated, and it was traumatic on every level. The amount of blood that was leaving my body was alarming, I felt contractions and a heavy pain. For three hours I rotated between the toilet and a hot shower, seeking relief for a process that I was unprepared for. My experience that night is what led me on a path of wanting to help other women be more informed about pregnancy loss and to create specific support for those women.
After my first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage, I went on to do fertility treatment and have a second miscarriage within six months of the first. Feeling hopeless (and very alone) I seeked second opinions, further testing, and came up empty handed. My doctor changed a few things about the protocol and told me to hope for the best… so I did and I got pregnant for the third time which resulted in my first of two living children.
When my first living son was born, I realized that my grief and trauma wasn’t healed and that there were a lot of things I buried deep inside my emotions. This led me to take a course and become a Certified Birth & Bereavement Doula before starting The Miscarriage Doula which is an online service and resource for women and their partners as they navigate life after loss.
I’m sure it wasn’t obstacle-free, but would you say the journey has been fairly smooth so far?
No, it wasn’t a smooth road. Struggles along the way included not knowing when to trust my instincts, what it meant to have intuition (or a gut feeling), trusting my body, being in the same emotional place as my partner, and so on.
As you know, we’re big fans of you and your work. For our readers who might not be as familiar what can you tell them about what you do?
I’m a Certified Birth and Bereavement Doula as well as a Certified Trauma Support Specialist. My role is providing emotional support to people before, during, and after experiencing pregnancy loss at any gestation. On any given day I am in contact with someone who has experienced loss (or is currently experiencing one) and walking them through what to advocate for, what to expect, and help them feel prepared as they move forward.
What matters most to you?
People matter most to me. I feel like we live in a world where so many difficult things happen and we become desensitized to the point where hardship is normalized (and support is hard to fine). I want people to know that they matter to someone and their struggles are worth my time.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://themiscarriagedoula.co
- Instagram: https://instagram.com/themiscarriagedoula
- Facebook: https://facebook.com/themiscarriagedoula
