Today we’d like to introduce you to Patrice Foster.
Patrice, we appreciate you taking the time to share your story with us today. Where does your story begin?
It started the moment I gave birth. I knew it was a possibility, but I thought I was prepared. The doctors had increased my antidepressant dosage, and I had my therapist on speed dial, but it wasn’t enough. I felt like I wasn’t enough. Nothing went as I had planned; I had an unexpected C-section, my son was in the NICU for seven days, and I was discharged from the hospital and sent home to heal and patiently wait for my son to come home.
The NICU had a constant hum to it, so many moving parts, machines, nurses, doctors, monitors, and my baby. I felt helpless and scared. I felt robbed. I was robbed of the going home outfits I had packed for my husband and me, I was robbed of the newborn photos I wanted to take in our hospital room, and I was robbed of the hallway photo I wanted to take of my husband walking with our son out of the doors. Instead, we were met with hand hugs, rubbing our son’s cheeks, and touching his feet. We spent our days traveling to and from the hospital, catching the doctor during their morning rounds, and asking the tough questions. Praying for the day we could take our son home.
Then, out of the blue, our son was discharged. I texted our family members and told my mom to hit the highway, we needed her asap! The first night at home was filled with alarms, remembering to pump, and nurse. Waking up to feed, change his diaper, and the cycle continued.
Would you say it’s been a smooth road, and if not what are some of the biggest challenges you’ve faced along the way?
As the days turned into weeks, weeks turned into months, I was slowly drifting away from who I once was. I didn’t recognize myself anymore. I was a stranger to myself, and all I knew was that I was a mom and a wife. My son needed me, and my husband needed his partner back. I just didn’t know what to do. Nighttime was the toughest part for me; the anxiety I felt was overwhelming. I tried to explain it to my support system, but the words never really expressed how deep the anxiety was. In the midst of the anxiety, depression crept in. It had always been there, but this was a different battle. I was fighting with grief, hurt, brokenness, pain, remorse, guilt, and sadness. It was stronger than anything I had ever felt before; it felt like an elephant sitting on my chest. But I was good at painting a picture for everyone. I would show up happy, smiley, and joyful, but deep down, I was drowning.
I turned to the only thing I knew: my husband, my family, my therapist, and God. I began sharing the good, the bad, and the ugly parts of postpartum anxiety and depression. I sought help, I asked the tough questions, and I cried. I cried so much that I eventually said, “I am tired of crying, but I need to.” My son needed me to fight; my son deserved the best version of me, even with the fog. I was determined to show up and to embrace the waves. I was no longer letting myself drown. I had my lifeboats (family and therapist), and my lighthouse (God). I chose to seek help, and I chose to depend on everything I had.
I was built to be a mother, a wife, and a woman who is more than what I see.
The woman I am now is stronger and ready to fight! I am finally starting to see through the fog! I am quick to seek help, to say I need a break, and to do the work. To every woman who is struggling with identity, self-worth, and seeing yourself the way God sees you, trust that you are not alone. You were not built to break; you were chosen to fight. God cared enough about you to entrust you with the journey that is in front of you.
Alright, so let’s switch gears a bit and talk business. What should we know about your work?
I am a behavior support specialist at a local charter school. I am proud of the work I put in every day. I get a front row seat in watching the lives of children change for the better. My students challenge me to show up every day and to be the best that I can be, not just for them but for myself.
I think what sets me apart from others is that I find what the parents need, and I mirror that in my approach. I approach each child with patience and love.
Where do you see things going in the next 5-10 years?
I see the education field going in a positive direction. While there are challenges in every field, I know that with the leadership at my school, we are striving every day to make great, meaningful, and life-changing impacts. We understand that the children will grow up to be adults, and what we do now is the foundation for their future.
Contact Info:
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/stillbecoming_25
- Other: https://substack.com/@graceforthemama?r=8isb9c&utm_campaign=profile&utm_medium=profile-page
